


My Heart Beats Stronger

by LokiLover89



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Suicide, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-24
Updated: 2012-05-24
Packaged: 2017-11-05 22:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiLover89/pseuds/LokiLover89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper was too late, but at least she loved him. She always had and she always will. Set after the Cullen's left in New Moon and contains character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart Beats Stronger

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Don’t own never happened. It kinder just came to me and I hade to Wright it.   
> Please, please review, it would mean a lot.

My Heart Beats Stronger

Beautiful boy I see you standing there  
I know what secrets those amber eyes hide  
Pail pink lips that whisper these words  
I know it’s over before it’s begun.

Scared to perfection  
You know I can not lie  
Through your vision may be clearer   
My heart beats stronger.

Worlds apart but I know how to hide  
You can’t promise me eternity   
And I can only give you my life  
Time will pass and as I grow old you’ll stay cold.

Carved from marble   
A heart encased in stone  
Though your vision may be clearer   
I know my heart beats stronger.

There’s a pain behind your eyes  
I’d give my time to find out why  
Beautiful blond angel you can not cry  
But I know your soul is weeping. 

Pail lips painted red  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t try  
Though you may think you see me clearer  
I believe my heart beats stronger.

A cold hand on heated skin  
I know you believe we can not be  
A broken promise of a distance not kept  
And I can not seem to forget. 

If my blood is all you want   
Know I would gladly give you it all  
Though you believe you see me clearer  
I must confess my heart beats stronger

A forbidden love  
More so then the one I already posses  
Beautiful blond angel tell me do you really exist  
A velvet voice echoing inside my closed of mind.

In secret places we shall hide  
A small distraction from our reality   
Though you see my out line clearer  
Know my heart beats stronger.

Your family stands on the line  
And you know I could never take away your happiness  
My fragile life never seemed enough to keep you here  
When all you wanted was to break me.

Hidden thoughts   
Faked emotions  
Though you assume you see me clearer  
My heart will always beat stronger.

When you are gone  
It’s like a slow suffocation  
My reason to breathe no longer with me  
A muffled cry of loneliness.

A stolen kiss  
A hunger unleashed  
Though you say you see me clearer  
Understand that my heart beats stronger. 

Beautiful blond angel I know your not there  
For you’re not really mine so why should I care  
A whispered word from faded memories  
A distant past you all but forget

The quickest of pain  
The breaking of my heart  
Though you once saw me clearer  
My heart shall beat stronger

For when I’m gone I know you shall live on  
The brightest of lights in the darkest of times  
A southern gentleman until the very end  
Please spear me no after thought

Though your vision of me maybe fading  
I know my heart shall keep on beating.

Jasper’s whole body trembled as his eyes ran over the words again and again. No this couldn’t be happening. He refused to believe that Bella, his Bella, would do such a thing. His nails digging into his palm as he took deep shaky breaths. 

The stench of blood engulfed him causing him to double over coiffing and spluttering as the metallic tang seemed to force it self down his throat. His blond locks falling in front of his dark sparkling eyes blocking the scene of carnage next to him from sight, as one hand clutched at his braking heart, the other arm wrapped around his stomach.   
He knew if it was possible he would be throwing up. Never in his existence did blood have this affect on him, not even when he was human but he knew that it was because it was her blood. Dropping the faded piece of paper onto the damp grass, Jasper slowly started to turn toward Bella.

It was like a scene from a horror film. She was lying down on the grass, her face turned toward the cliffs edge as if she was staring out over the see. Her legs where bent at the knees, her feet to the right side of her body. Her right arm lay at her side, palm up and fingers slightly bent as if she had been holding something in it just seconds ago.   
Slowly his eyes followed her cold empty gaze till they rested on her left hand. Her hand light grasping Charlie’s gun, her arm bent at an angle so it was pointing toward her head. It was clear to see from how she was laying that she had been sitting up when she pulled the trigger. 

The right side of her face was covered with a light spray of deep crimson blood along with the front of her truck and the grass in between the two. The thick red liquid slowly dripping of the old and rusty paint, pooling on the bumper before falling to the ground below like a slow trickling waterfall. 

Before he could really comprehend what was happening his legs gave out beneath him, a strangled cry escaping from between his lips as his body shook with dry sobs. As he took in her lifeless body he couldn’t help but think that this shouldn’t be.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. No Alice had seen her becoming one of them. Immortal and young forever. How could she not have seen this horrific scene before him now? Or had she. Was this his punishment for falling in love with another woman? 

No Alice loved Bella like a sister. Even if she knew about his feelings for her, she would never have let her die, that just wasn’t Alice. 

He had come back. After every one had left he had come back unable to carry on without her by his side. But he had waited to long. He had waited for the family to settle before he had clamed that he need some time alone. He had just wanted to make sure that she was okay but he knew now that he should never have left her in the first place.   
Slowly Jasper started to lean forward, his left hand extending out, his figure tips just itching to brush away the stray stands of hair that had been blown over her face. His fingers barely touched her pail flesh before he jerked his hand back, eyes wide. 

She was so cold.

The heat that had once radiated from her skin had all but gone. The cold December air almost sucking it from her body. Jasper’s mind franticly searched for some small singe of breath, the thumping sound of her heart that would show this as nothing more than some sick joke. His punishment for abandoning her. 

He had promised those short few months ago before he had caused all this pain that he would always be there for her. Though it may not have been in the way they both wanted he had promised. Promised to be the over protective brother when Mike Newton wouldn’t stop following her. The best friend that would sit and listen to her silly human dilemmas and the confidant that would that would sit quite patiently whilst she ran though all her fears of being with a vampire. Most of all though he had promised himself not to et in the way of hers and Edward’s relationship no matter how much he wanted to punch him when he came home lusting after his beautiful Bella’s body.   
But after the events of her birthday he had been so disgusted with himself, horrified that in a moment of weakness he had tried to kill the one human he very much wanted alive. He had agreed to go as soon as the words had left Edward’s mouth no second thoughts as to how hurt Bella would feel. He just wanted her to be safe. 

Oh how much he wanted to pull her lifeless body into his arms, hold her tightly against his cold stone body as he cried and screamed into the dead of the night until he had nothing left to give. But he couldn’t touch her. No matter how much he wanted to hold her in his arms he knew he couldn’t. 

If he moved even just the slightest the police would know that someone had been there and start looking for a possible murder and he just couldn’t involve his family like that. No he would suffer the pain of know that he had killed this beautiful, innocent girl alone. 

Taking a shake breath he razed his hand, planning on running it through his hair only to stop short, his pail hand frozen in front of his face. Blood. His hand was covered in her blood. As his eyes shot down he jumped back in horror, his hard body slamming into a near by tree. The tree shook from the force of impact but never fell. 

Blood had started to pool around her head, giving her an eerie sort of halo. She truly did look like a fallen angel. The one that had some how stumbled out of heaven and been so overwhelmed by the life that humans lead and fallen victim to the chaos. 

Oh god he needed to get out of here. He knew that if he stayed much longer he would never be able to leave her and the thought of being buried ‘alive’ with her was slowly becoming more and more appealing.   
As quickly as a vampire could he pulled out his phone and dialed a number he never thought he would need to use. The few seconds it took for some one to pick up at the other end had felt like an eternity and the feeling that some how Bella’s cold dead eyes where watching was enough to make him turn his back. 

“Good evening. Fork’s police station this is Deputy Freed speaking how can I help?”

By now Jasper had stooped breath, not being able to stand the stench of the blood he had once lusted after. Sighing he cringed as the metallic tang of blood filled his mouth. Never did he believe he would have to do this. 

“On the main road out of town there’s an apparently abandoned truck. You can not miss it. Some one may be hurt”

His voice was his voice was empty of all emotion and he couldn’t help but get strait to the point before he hung up, not wanting to dwell. He could only hope that Deputy Freed got there soon. He stood with his back to the cliff to clearing just running through different out comes if he had done things differently, until he heard the police cruiser pull up and the Deputy get out. 

Quickly he slid back into the shadows of the surrounding tress, finally turning to once again face his love. His eyes zeroed in on her face almost reluctantly and he knew then that for the rest of his existence that wide eyed blank look would always be etched into his mined. 

Once the Deputy had made it round the truck Jasper was hit with wave after wave of horror, pain and panic. He knew he should do something to calm the officer down so he could think clearly but her couldn’t. Why should he? If he had to feel it then it was only right they did.

He stayed watching as the Deputy finally came around after throwing up on the far side of the clearing before he called the paramedics and the police station asking for back up, but as soon as the call was made to Charlie he had ran. No matter what he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him so broken over his young daughter’s death.

He ran and ran until he was half way to Canada, only stopping when his body gave out and he fell to the ground. He felt numb. Like a hole was slowly being ripped in his chest where his heart once was. Screaming as loudly as he could, he slammed his clenched fist into the tree next to him, not really caring as it buckled and fell back hitting the ground with a loud thud.

Slowly he looked down at his clenched hand surprised to see the folded piece of paper in his hand that had been taped to the front of her truck, the off white paper now covered in dirt and bloody finger prints. His face scrunched up in confusion. He didn’t even remember picking it up. Franticly he opened it his dark gold eyes franticly scanning the words but only one line seemed to stand out amongst the jumbled of words.

For when I’m gone I know you shall live on

Yes even though she was gone he would carry on living. An eternity of pain and guilt and regret would be his punishment. Even though he disserved a slow painful death he didn’t disserve the escape that came hand in hand with it. So he would live and every day until the end of his time he would let it all slowly eat away at him for he disserved the pain of serving and would serve his time willingly.


End file.
